I have something I must admit. I used to be someone who said "yes" to everything. If my boss or a coworker asked me to do something, a quick and enthusiastic "YES!" would fly out of my mouth before I even had a chance to evaluate their request. If my son's school needed someone to organize the monthly calendar, I would jump on it. If any friend wanted help with something, I would agree before checking my own personal commitments. My church needed help. They needed a Finance Chairperson and a Nursery School Teacher on Sundays so, of course, I agreed to do both. I was busy and I was doing a lot of things but what was I really accomplishing?
I became overwhelmed, stressed, frustrated, irritable, anxious, tired, etc. And the worst thing was that I did not feel like I was doing my best at anything because I had so little time for all my commitments and absolutely no time for myself. I did not want to disappoint people but my lack of boundaries led to me being disappointed in myself. And truth be told, I had a terrible case of FOMO (fear of missing out). Only one person could change the situation and that was me.
I started setting boundaries for myself. When someone asked for my time or resources, I gave myself permission to take time before answering. This allowed me to analyze my calendar and my current commitments before taking on more than I could handle. I also gave myself permission to decline requests if it seemed like something I would not actually enjoy doing. Obviously, this doesn't always work in a professional setting at a job but you get the picture I am trying to paint here! I also gave myself permission to commit with a "maybe." If my schedule was full but it seemed like something I would really enjoy, I would tell the person that I would try to come through but I could not promise due to my previous commitments.
Living in this new way was exhilerating! I could finally breathe again. I was less stressed and I was much happier with my schedule and my results. I could focus on fewer things at a time which enabled me to do my best work. I was proud of the things I accomplished instead of being exhausted just looking at my list of to-dos. It was and still is far more fulfilling for me to do a few things really well than to be mediocre in many things. It was no longer good enough for me to get proverbial "participation trophies." I wanted to be awesome and win at life. Focusing my energy enabled me to accomplish great things instead of just completing a bunch of little things.
Making this happen is no small feat for anyone and the process looks different for everyone. I looked at all the things I was doing that did not bring joy to my life. I hate cleaning and our family is fortunate enough to be able to afford a cleaning woman. I love having a clean house and we made it happen without doing the dreaded chores ourselves! This allowed more time for us on the weekends as a family. For years, I had also wanted to write a book but I never had the time. Making changes and saying "no" to the things I did not want to do allowed me to focus and finally publish my first book, "Failing at Agile Transformation: How to sabotage your agile journey ." I was also able to build this
website and start my other projects of building a clothing and accessories line for Attainable Agile as well as another line supporting my passion for feminism, activism, diversity and inclusitivity called SpreadYourLuv .
I am doing fewer things and my life is enriched beyond measure. Too many people get caught up in thinking that being busy means you are important. Perhaps that is true for some people but it can backfire. When you are overcommitted and overwhelmed, you often become a disappointment either to yourself or the people who mean the most to you. You might upset your boss when you are late with an assignment or tasks are not done well because you are doing too many things at once. You may drift apart from your spouse because you are spending too much time at work or volunteering at your kids' school. You may disappoint your kids when you miss their choir rehearsal or school play. If you are like me, you will be severely disappointed in yourself for letting everyone down.
In my many years of working in a professional environment, I have encountered countless "busy bees" who behave the same way I used to behave. These are people who run around the office constantly commenting or even complaining about how busy they are. Or these are friends or family members who do the same. The busy bees are usually chattering away on their phones as well or answering work emails during off hours or the weekends. Doing this often helps them feel important. They are frequently late to meetings or they miss them altogether. Unfortunately, this has the opposite effect that they desire. Their lack of respect for their own time, sadly appears as a lack of respect of other people's time.
I do not view the busy bees as important or essential. I question whether they are in over their heads in their current job. I wonder if they are a control freak and refuse to delegate tasks. I do not envy the busy bees. I feel sorry for them because they have not learned to prioritize, delegate, organize or manage their calendars properly. In my experience when I sit down and actually analyze their calendar, it is filled with many meetings that are not essential for them. They are an optional participant, do not contribute anything useful to the discussion and have no questions. But they go anyway because if you're busy all day in meetings, you're important, right? Wrong.
Whether you are a Scrum Master, Kanban Wizard or some other type of Agile Coach, I encourage you to help the individuals in your teams to work through this change and to help the team as a whole to understand this concept. The goal is not to complete as much work as possible. The goal should be to do the right work at the right time with the best quality possible. Being busy is not the same as being productive and it certainly does not mean you are important. Do yourself a favor and focus on being amazing at a few things and you will see how quickly your life can turn around.
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